Memoir...Maybe...

I'm suppose to write a my very own memoir and then turn it into my English teacher in about 2 weeks.Normally I have no problem writing down a bunch of stuff about my life and letting other people read it. But for some reason, I'm having a LOT of trouble with this! I can't seem to find anything to write about!! i have a ton of memories! but I cant think of anything that has really shaped my life. That one big AHA! moment and then I was never the same again. Everyone around me has all these stories and memories that they are writing about and talking about how this happened to them and they saw that, and that is why they are the way they are and they have these way intense sob stories about people they have known that have died and how that changed their life forever and blah blah blah. I don't understand how all these people who are about my same age can already have SO much figured out about them self. All i know is that my name is Hannah, I'm 18, my family loves me, God loves me, Etc. It's not like I'm lost and confused and depressed or anything... I just don't have a moment that changed my life. I don't really have anything different to say about myself. I mean.. I'm Mormon, and that's different than most people, but I've always been Mormon. So its not like one day it just hit me. I've just always known. I heard all these stories about how one moment and over a week or a month peoples whole lives are changed and stuff... but I don't have a story like that. I'm just me. I don't know what i am suppose to be, or do. I;m really scared about what I am going to do after High School. I want to move on with my life. Get it really started. My 2 closest friends from high school graduated last year, and one of them is married and the other one will be married in less than a month. They are starting their lives. They found someone who is not a part of their family who loves them SO much that they are willing to spend the res of their life with them. It's like a Disney movie. a fairy tale. with a happy ending.well... beginning... but an ending too... I don't understand how 2 people can say that for the rest of their life they will always be together, and basically act as one.. but 2 different people.... I don't understand it. But then I loo at my grandparents, and my parents, and I see how much they all love each other. I don't think I will ever find that. I want to, but where am I gonna find that guy? what if he is here, and I go off to school somewhere else, and we never find each other? Then am I just gonna be all alone Forever? I'm scared that I might be... I don't want to die alone. I don't want to live all alone when I'm 30, and wake up in the night wonder if maybe I would have done something differently.... If maybe I would have just gone to the store that one day I would have met someone, and maybe I would have eventually married them.. I don't want that to happen. I want someone to love me and be with me because they want to.not because they are my family and are stuck with me(don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that I have my family, and i wouldn't EVER want a different one, because I love them SO much and LOVE being with them! And they are my favorite family EVER)but because they love me so much for who I am and they want to be with me forever. I want that SO bad! and I'm starting to think that I will never find it. But then I remember that I am only18 and still have a LONG time before i get married or anything... but I just really hope that I am in all the right places now, so I will be able to be in the right place then..., But its hard... When I get together with my whole family, and I am treated like 3/4 adult and 1/4 kid.or really actually 1/2 kid 1/2 adult. i wanna be all adult. I want to be able to go to the store without asking my mom and my dad and my grandma and so on and so forth. I want to be able to make my own choices and make plans and stuff like that without running it through an entire chain of people, writing a 5 page essay on it, and then waiting while 5 other people review it and then give me the OK to go. Do they realize that my friends are getting married, buying houses, getting ready to have kids of their own, and stuff like that? one of my friends I go to school with is engaged, has her wedding planned, has the dress, her bridesmaids have their dresses,the date is set, and the guy she is marrying has a baby that he raises pretty much by himself except she lives with him and takes care of the baby while he is at work and stuff, and they bought a house and are just waiting for it to be done. my friends and looking at what color to paint their living room, while I'm over here decided what color to paint my nails. Everyone looks like they have a general idea of what they are going to do with their life, and I have no clue at all. I want to get married, and have kids, and be happy, and spend LOTS of time with my family, and have a great lifelike that. I was watching my Aunt with her kids the other day, and way just thinking, man.... she is not even 10 years older than me I don't think and she has a husband who loves her to death, 2 kids and one on the way, a house, a place in life where she knows she should be. i want that life. I want to be sure about what is going to happen during the day when I wake up. I was the responsibility of taking care of other people and myself too. i want to be able to decorate a house, and make choices, and try new things, and know that someone loves me for just being me SO much that they committed the rest of their life to me, because they wanted to.WOW. I hadn't planned on writing this much. but I guess when you don't write about all this stuff fora while it all just kinda piles up inside of you and then EXPLODES when it finally gets a chance to get out!I know.. my spelling is really bad, because I'm typing fast and not checking what keys I'm hitting. I know my spelling sucks. So on that happy note, I'm off to finish Ghost Whisper and then go to bed!